What It Feels Like
by Hibiko Shinichi
Summary: It was so weird. But Spencer was used to weird. Heck, he was weird. Slash.


I was watching iCarly Saves TV earlier today...and I decided this had to be done. Plus, I think they'd be cute together.

So, be warned; there's slash. And, to make this more believable, Freddie's a bit older. And I don't remember how old Spencer is, anyway, so...I can do what I like.

--

It's so weird.

It's weird, it's awkward, it's hard for Spencer to hear Carly come home every day with Sam and Freddie in tow, make themselves at home and discuss the latest drama to hit the eleventh grade.

It's weird because Freddie's the only one to say hello when they get home.

It's awkward because Spencer sneaks glances at him whenever it's possible, and sometimes he gets caught.

It's hard because Spencer is so in love with that kid, and every day he sits there and moons over Carly.

But Spencer holds himself back and doesn't express himself with words. He uses the smallest of actions, and hopes maybe it'll go unnoticed.

It's easy enough for him to toss Freddie a smile when Spencer enters a room; that seems everyday, normal, routine. That's fine.

It's a little harder for him to be content just brushing Freddie's hand when he hands something over.

It's definitely more difficult to make excuses to hug him, but Spencer covers by hugging Carly and Sam too. It doesn't matter that Carly gives him a suspicious look before he leaves; it's worth it to touch him.

The hardest of all was trying to keep his composure when Carly sat him down at dinner and told him she knew he was crushing on Freddie.

Spencer tried to bluff--he tried denying it, distracting her, anything--but nothing worked. Carly just stared him down and said she _knew_--and besides, she was okay with it.

That alone had made Spencer's jaw drop. And then Carly had told him on her way out that Freddie--here she dropped him a wink--might be okay with it too.

That night, Spencer had gone to bed hopeful, and more than a little confused.

--

He'd woken up the next morning with a sense of _something_ that made him feel like everything was okay. Spencer wasn't sure of quite what that sense was, but he trusted his instincts. Today would be a good day.

It got even better when he found Freddie sitting in the living room when he came out of his room, obviously waiting for him. Carly and Sam had gone out quick for an errand, and would be right back, he'd said, smiling.

But the gleam in those dark eyes (that Spencer so adored) said otherwise.

"Come sit down," Freddie had said, beckoning Spencer over. Though Spencer could tell something was up, he decided it couldn't be all too bad if Freddie had orchestrated it. Beside, he had a feeling that Carly was involved in this somehow.

Spencer had done so, flashing Freddie a smile that had been returned with just as much enthusiasm. He'd asked the usual: what's up, how's school, what are your plans for today, things like that. Freddie had given him a good, normal answer for everything but the last question. That last 'what are you doing today' had been answered with a small smirk and a 'oh, it's a surprise.'

"Okay," Spencer had said, nodding, wondering what was going on.

Freddie had taken his turn to ask questions then; how things had been lately, how was Carly (of course, Spencer had thought, and his stomach had dropped). Things that were usual for Freddie to ask.

And then the not so usual question of 'So, Spencer, do you have a girlfriend?'

Spencer had been startled and his mouth had raced ahead of his brain, blurting out a 'No, I'm too gay for a girlfriend. They don't like that quality in guys, for some reason.'

Oh God, how his blood had run so cold for a moment after that. But Freddie had just laughed, that angel face so devilishly amused like he'd known Spencer would react just like that, and then he'd dropped the bomb.

'Would you mind terribly if I asked why you don't have a boyfriend, then?' He'd asked, and his expression had been so devious that Spencer could only stutter for a minute.

'Well, I sort of like someone else,' he'd said, and Freddie had nodded knowingly.

'Would that be someone I know, by any chance?' Freddie had been way too on the ball, Spencer thought, and even so he'd considered telling Freddie outright. But then it hit him; what would he think? He was seventeen, and Spencer was twenty-one, going on twenty-two. That had to be wrong somehow.

'Yeah,' he said weakly at last, nodding.

'Spencer, can I ask you something?' Freddie had said, leaning in. Spencer had ducked his head a little to meet his eyes, and he'd been unsure. So unsure.

'Yeah,' Spencer had said, still nodding, and Freddie had reached out and placed his hand on Spencer's jaw to stop him from moving. The expression on Freddie's face had been mischeivous (and so pretty) that it had almost tipped Spencer off.

'Why haven't you asked me to be your boyfriend yet?' Freddie had asked, and before Spencer could protest he'd leaned in and kissed him gently, soundly, and shut him up.

A million and one things went through Spencer's head after it rebooted; what would Freddie's friends think--about him being gay, let alone him dating Carly's older brother--what would his own friends think of him dating a high schooler, what could possibly go wrong--

And then, Spencer had decided, screw it.

He loved Freddie Benson, and anyone who didn't like it could go cry about it in a corner somewhere.

--**061508--**

"So, that was the third-person perspective of the week I asked you out?" Freddie asked, looking down at Spencer in bemusement.

Spencer grinned up at him from the chair, patting Freddie's thigh. "Yep, pretty much," he said, bobbing his head.

Freddie just snorted, covering Spencer's hand with his own and kicking his free leg through the air from his spot on the back of the couch. "You're so ridiculous," Freddie told him affectionately.

"But you _looove_ me for it," Spencer said, drawing out the word teasingly. Freddie let out a long-suffering sigh, but allowed Spencer to pull him down and kiss him.

"God only knows why," he said dryly, rolling his eyes.

"Cause I'm a good kisser. You said so yourself."

"Shut up, Spence."

--

Okay. I'm back with a vengeance.

Review and maybe I'll write stuff more often.


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